Increase Your Self-Confidence With Benevolent Gossip

I’m always trying to propose the best quality of coaching to my clients, that’s why I started a coaching improvement course using the Solution-Focused method. It’s a brief intervention method (usually between 2 and 6 sessions) aiming to being detached from the problem to focus on the solutions by using resources and skills already present in the client. The coaching allows the client to imagine his « future perfect », visualize his goal, clarify his objectives and use his resources to find concrete solutions.

During this course, we practiced an exercise named « benevolent gossip », which allowed to inject, in a few minutes only, a massive dose of positivity and self-confidence to all the participants. I propose you to try it at home, with your friends, colleagues or family. Let’s begin !

The « benevolent gossip »

It’s easy to get started to talk behind the back of someone, and when we do so, it’s unfortunately often in negative terms. The goal of this exercise is to reverse this process and use gossip as a tool to value the skills and resources of the person concerned.

The concept is simple : gather with two other persons (or more) and choose someone on whom you’ll gossip. The person turns her back to the other two and they then will start to enumerate all the positive things that they think about the person concerned. The goal is to mention all the skills, resources, all the things that she does and that you’re impressed about, during 3-4 minutes. One rule : you can only say POSITIVE things. The person concerned by the gossip can only listen, without interacting. The goal is that she enjoys the fact of being exposed to all the positive things she does and how marvelous she is. Once finished, you change positions until everybody has been « gossiped » about.

Why should you try this exercise ?

We live in a society that constantly evaluates us, wether it’s in our job or even in our private life. We’re constantly exposed to criticism, but it’s getting very rare to hear compliments or that someone values us by telling us our strengths, skills and resources. This exercise will allow you to refocus your attention on all the positive aspects of yourself and will help you replace the limiting thoughts like « I’m not enough », « I should be/do more », « I never succeed to » by «  I can », « I’m able to », « I’m competent ».

The fact that the person concerned by the « benevolent gossip » sits with her back turned will prevent her to « defend » herself after receiving compliments. In fact, we often don’t know how to react after being complimented, because we’re embarrassed or because we fear to appear « cocky ». We answer things like « oh you find this shirt nice ? You know, it was really cheap » or « oh you know, this recipe is very easy, anybody could do it ». This exercise is here to teach you how to receive a compliment and simply answer « thank you ».


Sometimes, it doesn’t take a lot to increase self-confidence and assertiveness. Maybe you should just realize that you are already a competent and resourceful person. This exercise allows you to shift your attention from criticism and negative aspects of your life to your resources and skills.

You want to increase your self-confidence? Order my ebook “Boost Your Self-Confidence In 14 Days”  (58 p., A4 pdf format) and get a program to increase your self-confidence with 14 exercises that have been scientifically tested by the last 20 years of research in psychology. All of that for 3,90 CHF only!

Julien Borloz



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